Sometimes I feel like a circus performer trying to balance and spin plates on poles from my hands, feet and head. You’re making dinner, while pumping, while feeding the baby, while feeding the cat, while entertaining your toddler. Until something drops, it’s almost an out-of-body experience where you can’t believe you’re physically and mentally capable of doing so many things at once.
After our son, Wyatt, was born, life was often crazy - one evening stands out as being particularly difficult. At the time, I was up several times each night nursing so, needless-to-say, I was a bit out of it. To make matters worse, my husband’s commute was (and still is) a lengthy one, so when he was home (which seemed rare), he was usually grabbing a bite to eat or sleeping.
We were having leftover tomato soup that I made in the crock pot the day before and I was heating heaping bowls in the microwave. Wyatt was fussing for milk and my daughter, Laina, while still getting used to a new baby in the house, was starting to get upset from the noise he was creating. Meanwhile, our cat, Linus, meowed and rubbed circles around my legs, begging for his dinner, as well. I was starting to feel frazzled.
Just as I took a bowl of soup from the microwave, it slipped from my hand and exploded into a million pieces on the floor, sending red, hot soup onto every inch and crevice of the kitchen (including myself)! It looked like a crime scene. I stood there in shock and eventually had to walk away for a moment to regain my composure. I think I’m still finding soup remnants to this day, but what counts is the kids were fed and cared for and we all survived.
Here are seven ways that have helped me stay saner, while parenting alone:
1. Have a schedule: I have my kid’s schedule tacked to my refrigerator, so I can refer to it if I’m having a crazy day. I mostly have it memorized now and, as the kids get older, I'll need to make revisions, but it’s nice to know there’s one less thing my brain has to remember.
2. Make connections: This could be through online forums, local events, church, neighbors, or play groups. It feels good when you’re able to talk to like-minded individuals who understand what you’re going through. And, adult conversation is a plus.
3. Get out of the house: Even if it’s just to run an errand. It breaks up the day and gives you an excuse for some fresh air and new scenery. Sometimes even a quick trip to Walmart for diapers makes a world of difference. If you can't drive anywhere, go for a walk in your neighborhood or hangout in your backyard.
4. Find some time for yourself: This is a tough one for me, especially when I don’t have help. I make sure I take a shower daily (it's the little things), while Wyatt naps and Laina watches Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood on the iPad. I also give myself a few minutes before the kids get up in the morning and after they go to bed, to have a cup of coffee, surf the web, etc. (no chores allowed). It's not a lot, but just a few moments like these, make me feel less like a zombie mommy and more like myself. It also gives me something to look forward to.
5. Enjoy your children: I always notice my kid’s behavior is worse when I’m not focused on them. There are times when I can’t give them my undivided attention, but try to remember the reasons why you have kids and enjoy them when you can. Sing songs, read stories, play games, or just be silly. They will appreciate you for it and your parent-child bond will grow stronger.
6. Don’t sweat the small stuff: I’m learning to pick my battles, especially as my kids get older. If it’s safe and appropriate then I try my best to be okay with it. If she’s covering herself from head-to-toe with paint, I try to make sure she’s aware of the repercussions. I'll just take some deep breaths as I attempt to scrub the paint out of her clothes.
7. Know you can’t do it all: Ultimately, we are all imperfect. Most of us will never accomplish everything we want in a day. Bottom line, we’re trying our best and that’s what counts. As long as your kids know they are loved and cared for, they won't care if you forget to do the laundry or burn their dinner. All you can do is your best and the best is rarely perfect.
How do you stay sane while parenting solo?
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